15. One Girl. One Journey – And Life Changes – Again

When my youngest was 2 in 1991, my husband wanted a divorce. Once again, my life turned upside down. I moved to a little house on the edge of Deep Bay in Carling Ontario. Me and my two little girls. Life proved to be very difficult in all aspects, but I was with my family who provided me with emotional support. I remember asking my sister if you could die from a broken heart. She said no, I was going to get strong and my heart would mend – good as new. I didn´t believe her. I believed – and still believe you can… you get depressed, you don´t want to eat, you lose weight and end up in the hospital. Your weak and you can barely care for your self, my less your children. Thank God I had my family. I started working at my sisters salon as a receptionist for a couple days a week. I needed to get out of the house and try to rebuild my life.

Three months later, my husband wanted to reconcile. I didn´t know if it was the right thing to do. He had done so much emotional damage – not just to me, but our children. Especially our eldest daughter. I was finally feeling better and getting strong. I had a little job. I had a place to stay. My children were adapting to their new life. What if he did it again? But for my family, I decided it would be best. So we did. He came up north on his days off. He tried to get a transfer but it didn´t seem like it was going to happen.

One day, when I was at work, I felt a sharp pain in my side and starting feeling dizzy. I passed out and ended up had a seizure. After spending time in the hospital, it was diagnosed as extreme stress. Severely underweight and experiencing anxiety and intense stress due to what had transpired over the last several months, my body just shut down. My doctor wrote a letter to assist us in expediting my husbands transfer. It was approved and he was transferred about a month later.

I was able to return to work in time. I began apprenticing to become a hair stylist. I felt it was the wisest professional decision because I needed a job that was flexible enough to work with my husbands schedule and if we had to relocate because of his job, I still had one. I could be a hair stylist anywhere. Unfortunately, although I was hopeful, I couldn´t work around my husbands schedule. He wasn´t home to take care of the children very much because he was called out to work or wanted to work overtime. So I had to find a babysitter. I couldn´t cancel work on short notice. I was fully booked with clients. But finding daycare was next to impossible in Northern Ontario. Somehow I did it. Looking back they were such stressful times. But, I needed to work – be independent – and I was thankful to be able to work with my sister. And, when the kids were in bed, my husband working, in the wee hours of the morning, I wrote. And I sang with my karaoke machine.

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