36.One Girl. One Journey – Step 3 of Plan A – 2013

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November 26 – Firmed up on the house. Closing was December 31. How ironic. The end of a year.

I had a month to figure out where I was going to go and what I was going to do.

It was a month of uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and praying. I tried to act normal at work, but behind closed doors I was riddled with anxiety. I remember sitting at the counter alone with a pad of paper. Pros and cons, options, what I wanted to accomplish in my life. Every night I went to bed only to lie in a pool of sweat. All I heard was my fan purring, trying to get rid of the layer of sweat I had on my body and the sheet underneath me. Every night. All day. I began to drink at night to be able to calm myself enough to sleep.

Spent the next month giving away things I didn´t need. That was hard. My keyboard. My bedroom furniture. Lamps. Bedding. Towels. Everything that wasn´t a necessity.

After talking to my friend who I invested with, I decided that I would move to L.A. I would get a job there until we got funding for the film. Having made that decision, I felt a sense of relief. Just had to plan it all now – how to get there, actually where to go. Plan to have enough money until I found a job. I had my friend there so I wouldn´t be alone. Still, sleep didn´t come easy. Something didn´t feel right about that decision. I was relying on someone else for my happiness. I couldn´t do that. What if he didn´t get the funding?

The next night, I thought about the vacations I had taken to Mexico. I always felt that I had a connection with Mexico. And actually, I had a connection IN Mexico. What if I went there? I talked to my friends and family, and decided that that was what I was going to do.

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