29.One Girl. One Journey – Dark Chapter

It´s really emotionally difficult to write this blog. I feel that I want to document my musical journey, but to do so I have to revisit my diaries, and in doing that, it sometimes brings me back to a very painful time. But, I´m doing this for a number of reasons. Firstly, as a legacy. When I´m gone, my children – grandchildren will be able to get to know me as a woman. On a personal and professional level. They´ll see that I had dreams too. I wanted to be more. I also have tidbits of everything everywhere, and for myself it´s going to be rewarding to see all of my efforts, tears, frustration, accomplishments and hopefully this will lead up to success. And then I´ll have it tracked. Another reason I want to do this is because maybe, although I´m sure nobodys reading this, maybe some ONE will. And that someone will be someone who is trying to accomplish the same goals. This is to provide them with encouragement. It´s not a cinderella story in most cases. It´s years and years of hard work and perseverance. So to those artists, I say keep moving!

Anyways, 2007 proved to be a difficult year. From the time my husband decided he was done to the time I was moved into a bachelor apartment on one of the busiest streets in the city was about 2 weeks. I don´t even remember it. I also don´t remember signing any legal documents, meeting with the legal mediators. Nothing. I had just began a new career the month before (I had gotten my real estate license) and so there I was.

I had nothing. The next couple of years I was simply in survival mode. I worked all the time. I cried all the time. I drank all the time. I was lost. My only saving grace was the little kitten my daughter had given me to keep me company. My daughter worked at a pet store. One night, as she was taking the garbage out, she heard these little meows. She found 5 little baby kittens at the bottom of the garbage can. So guess where they ended up? Yes, at our home. When I left my matrimonial home, a week after our 16 year old lhasapoo passed away. It ripped my heart in two. So I think this was my daughters way of softening the pain, and finding a way to help me go through my loneliness too. You have to understand – I went from my dream home with all my familiar things – familiar smells, my family, my pets, my neighbours… my life of 20 years to a strange big room with leftover furniture. I´ll tell you, if I was then who I am now things would have been ALOT different. But I wasn´t.

After a few years, I had built a good clientele and I was supporting myself. I moved to a really nice condo with a backyard and laundry facilities in my condo. It didn´t mean I had healed. Because there were still dark nights. Probably most of them. But I was able to get my piano back. And from there, I started playing. Writing. And singing again.

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